to have a best friend again.
to have a goal, an intent, a purpose.
to trust myself, in especially the most mundane situations.
to slim down, get beautiful, grab a mate, have my second kiss.
to be very brave, always.
to be worthy of my dog's admiration.
to be known.
the things I'm known for.
to be great at conversation, to be eloquent again.
This list, in retrospect, seems so shallow.
It dissapoints me that these
are the things I want.
to want greater things, worthier things, bigger things.
to get a job
to get my license
to bring my grades up
to get my dog fixed
to find some closure
to find some balance
to meet my father
to write a book
For some reason, I feel so much better.
Ridiculous, I know.
I just want to be better.
I want a car. Any car will do. 2nd hand, 3rd hand or xx hand. As long as its a CAR!
I want a suitable job, so I can earn money, so I can buy a car.
I want to have my own house.
I want to be successful in my future career.
I want my knee to stop giving me problems.
I want to have someone I can talk to every night, on the phone.
By the end of the summer...
- I will love my myself. Mind body and soul.
- Beat all the Fatal Frame games
- Not let my illness take over my body. I can control this.
- Paint something beautiful.
- Get those birthday presents to the people I made them for, and not feel like I am insulting them .
- Finish summer school full out, with good grades, and proud of what I have accomplished.
- Not be an emotard. ( LOL MCR )
- Finish a short story
- Finish Fatal Frame fanfic. No matter how short.
~find a sweet boy for myself.
~lose my reputation as that nice girl that you can take advantage of.
~develop some sort of talent.
~meet bert mccracken.
~say something memorable to the amazing people i meet (i.e. band members).
~become more independent.
~go on a roadtrip with some important people in my life.
• lose my silly. tedious self-conciouss ways. the fact that it's there just makes me want to kill myself.
• buy a camera, not necessarily something chic or ridiculously expensive but something viable, learn to use photoshop more advanced and try a form of self-expression.
• get more into the indie culture fad. maybe get out when it becomes too much of a fad.
• forgive and forget. past
• travel. with that camera mentioned earlier, taking awesome pictures.
• visit as much art galleries/shows as possible
• blackmail someone
• find someone i'm happy with ( this is a sex-and-the-city moment right here)
• buy an iPod. stuff it full of my heart songs
• take a tour to the white house
• visit a city by the bay in california
• meet and give a kiss to Zoey Deschanel!!
feel happier just being me
be happy for a reason
be more confident and less shy
be less tired, lazy, and fat all the time
trust myself and my friends
stop having panic attacks and sudden mood swings
help T stop cutting, smoking, and drinking without her picking up a new bad habit
stop biting my nails, and hoping they'll grow back
be understood by myself and others, especially my friends
understand more about people, and feel less ignorant and out of the loop
find a girl or guy who is interested in me that I like back
get a girlfriend or a boyfriend who cares
figure out who I am; know my beliefs, ideas, orientation, and viewpoints
stop worring so much about things that I can't or don't need to change right now
go to a good college and get a job that makes enough money but is still a little enjoyable
stop doubting everything, and start making decisions
-To have a meaningful relationship with someone without
having to fend off the sudden 'i love you's. I do not want
-to not have a roommate next quarter. I rather like the room as it is now. you know, with just me in it. =_=
-to figure out how to get out of the telescope screen on FFIX.
-to someday finish writing and publish a book.
-to find a beta for my fanfiction who won't disappear after one chapter.
-to find a job somewhere close that pays more than dirt.
-to start playing the piano again.
-to start studying japanese again.
-to be able to type without having to look at the keyboard
-to see my mom.
-to see my pets.
-to give my brother his 13 birthday punches. (Plus the additional...72 for all the birthdays I've missed by living so far away. ;-;)
-to listen to No Doubt with my sister and turn her to the dark side of good
-to go skydiving.
i want to stay clean long enough to appreciate it.
i want to make amends in my current relationships & spend time with the people who care.
i want to (eventually) get into a healthy relationship, nothing too heavy, just someone to fall asleep next to and call in the night. and stop getting hooked on guys it's never realistically going to work with.
i want to learn to show my gratitude.
i want to be an addictions councillor and help kids through my experiences.
i want to lose weight without doing the stupid things i do.
i want the ability to stay in the moment & remember the past is the past, and the future's going to happen some way or another whether it's to my liking or not.
i want to become less judgemental of myself and others.
i want to make my family and councillors proud of me. and most importantly be proud of myself.
i want far too much sometimes.